


The Job Fair

by ZCFilorux



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, Job Fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 08:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16014449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZCFilorux/pseuds/ZCFilorux
Summary: A fan written Welcome to Night Vale episode about the community college's job fair!





	The Job Fair

The body electric. The flesh electric. The blood electric. The bone electric.  
Welcome, to Night Vale.

Welcome listeners, it is my pleasure to tell you the time has come again for the semi-annual Night Vale Community College, jobs fair. As always, President of Night Vale Community College, Sarah Sultan, who is also smooth fist sized river rock, has promised an array of booths and activities for both students and regular Night Vale citizens that will promote the working class of Night Vale, and show people just how many job opportunities there are here.

“There are a lot of jobs in Night Vale, and we at the community college would like everyone looking and not looking for employment to know about them. Once a job is taken it can never be given to anyone else, so please come and get one while they’re still here! We also want people to have fun! It’s a fair! That’s what fairs are for! We want people to have so much fun that we’ve stationed a dunk tank outside the applied arts building!” Is what Sarah has asked me to tell you, by psychically projecting the words straight into my head to be said aloud to you now.

You know, I remember when I went to my first jobs fair at the college, they had a dunk tank back then too! I remember having so much fun dunking all of those humanely selected volunteers into the frigid waters of the tank, screaming “You must repay the world for what you’ve done!” again and again until my throat went numb. Good times. I think I’ll ask Carlos if he’d like to join me this time, how romantic would it be to go to the fair together?

And… There we go! Text sent!

Good news listeners, I am getting word now that attendance at the fair is higher than it’s ever been! In fact, it seems like there are more people at the fair than the number of people who actually live in Night Vale! I’m being told that the majority of the people there all seem to be dressed in old tweed suits, carrying briefcases, and are adorned with uncomfortable, but colorful, masks. Hmm… Usually the only people who wear tweed are the real estate agents that live inside deer, but there are no deer anywhere at the fair, so it is unclear where these people came from. Well, either way, this is just showing how popular the fair is, and should encourage everyone else to go before all the jobs are gone again!

And now, traffic.

You’re at the bar. Someone has ordered you a drink. You look to see who it is, a man, with features presumably, he waves to you, with what you assume is a hand. You drink. The man gets up and sits next to you. He speaks, with what must be a mouth, and you make small talk. The two of you share some drinks, he has far more than you do, and yet somehow you never actually see him empty his glass, they’re just perfectly dry. You know they once contained liquid, you saw the bartender fill them, but there is not an ounce of moisture to be seen.

The man says something that draws your attention back to him, and did he have that many eyes before? Are those even eyes? He says something that translates to, “I should get going,” so you bid him farewell, and blink, only to see nobody there once your eyes open again. You notice all of the dry empty glasses on the counter. When did those get there? You feel like you were just talking to someone, but you’re alone. Maybe you’ve had enough for tonight. You pay your tab, you get up, and you go home, yet, the entire way there, you feel as though you’re being watched. Strange.

This has been, traffic.

Oh! Carlos just texted me back! He said he would love to go to the fair, but he wants to wait until they’re not as busy. He says, with all of those people in tweed suits around, the lines for the activities will be too long, and we’d just spend most of our time waiting to do things than actually doing them. That is completely understandable. Let me just text him back real quick… O… K… And sent!

Listeners I am getting reports from the job fair. Apparently, the people in the tweed suits have been approaching the students and citizens at the fair and badgering them to look into their briefcases… People, wanting to be left alone by these overly pushy newcomers, eventually agree, and look into the cases. When they pull away however, their faces are overcome with a vacant stare, all the blood having rushed from their face, and their eyes glazing over as if they are merely a husk of their former selves. They walk away from the person in the tweed suit, and seem to just be, wandering, around the fair, not doing the activities, not talking to the booth attendants, just wandering silently.

Now listeners, as we know it isn’t unusual for people to lose their very soul at the job fair, that’s what it’s all about! You go to the fair, play some games, ride the ferris wheel, and then find a job that contractually gives up your soul to your new employer leaving you an empty shell of who you used to be, but this is ridiculous! These people are just taking souls willy nilly, without any regard for those employers at the fair looking for new workers! This is really looking bad for our local job market… I’m going to have to contact Sarah and see if she knows what’s going on here, maybe she’ll have some answers.

In other news, the Old Night Vale Opera House, is scheduling auditions for their latest planned performance. They are going to be putting on a production of the opera, Carmen, the story of a soldier from Spain who travels the land in search of the goddess Carmen. Carmen is of course a cruel and ruthless goddess of war, and offers to give the soldier the ability to vanquish all foes if he in return performs three acts of devotion to her. Now, I won’t go into details, no spoilers for those of you who don’t know how it ends, but I’ve been told the finale is one that will require the first ten rows to wear splash zone ponchos. I don’t know about you, but I think I would do almost anything for a chance to see that finale up close, poncho and all. The auditions will be held at the Opera House all 168 hours of next week. Prepare a monologue, and a song if you are interested, and be sure to greet the Ericas before you allow them to mercilessly judge your worthiness of performing in this sure to be fantastic piece.

News is coming in very quickly about the job fair. Apparently the people in the tweed suits have now collected souls from almost everyone who has gone to the fair, and have now started to hunt down those who haven’t given themselves up! They are carrying their briefcases like shields, and have taken the javelins from the toss game, you know the one where you have to try and hit the scarecrow dressed as an interloper in the face with all three javelins to get the prize, and are chasing people down! Things have suddenly gone from a fun day at the job fair to a may day at the job fair! I’m going to keep my attention on the news feeds for a little but, but to make sure you can stay up to date, I’ll send you now, to the weather.

Welcome back, dear listeners. I was paying close attention to the news feeds, so I could be certain I would be able to keep everyone informed, and they told me, this. The people in the tweed suits and colorful masks had been hunting down fair goers ruthlessly, but all suddenly stopped when a woman in a tweed dress suit, and a coyote skull on her head, entered the campus. They all turned to look at her, and in unison, bowed with deep respect. The woman with the coyote skull spoke up, in a confident and righteous cadence.

“People of the Job Fair!” she said, “Do not worry! We are members of the Night Vale General Temp Agency! We had been asked by the staff to come to the Job Fair, and delegate people to the job best suited for their character! We have taken your souls yes! But we have also given you employment! You have not checked your contractual obligations, but should you, you will see you have all been given jobs! For those of you who haven’t found a job yet, know that now is not your time!! You are not ready for the working world! But when the day does come for you to join the workforce, do not worry! We will find you! Wherever you are, we WILL find you!”

Well, that’s such a relief, and it’s so nice to know that the Job Fair has hired the Night Vale General Temp Agency to find everyone jobs! How considerate of them! Sarah Sultan really does have the best ideas for the college, it’s no wonder she’s been president for so long. Carlos and I will be going to the tail end of the job fair once I finish recording, but uh, we both already have jobs, so, hopefully, the temp agency workers will leave us alone…

But what is a job really? Something you go and do to make money? A purpose? But what is a purpose worth? And do those purposes really matter? Or are they merely what we make of our own lives? Perhaps, those are the best purposes, the ones we give to ourselves, the ones we make on our own that we can truly feel fulfilled by. After all, who knows you best but yourself? Your employer can only show so much, and one may never show their bosses their truest self, as it is the parts of us we keep to ourselves in our home that you believe not even the Sheriff's Secret Police know. They do know, by the way, but, you shouldn’t know that they know. 

Stay tuned next for a ferris wheel ride that stops right where you don’t want it to.  
Goodnight Night Vale, goodnight.


End file.
